Truth be told, I dont like who i've become these days and I decided that I had to change not for me but for the few people that cares about me, they deserve better than that, so im kicking out all the poison(and by poison I mean people and habits) that my life has
Besides I have a new kitty now, I named her Violet after the character in american horror story, and because I've always loved that name and it is also my hair color, so I have a new life to take care of, she needed me and boy did I needed her, she brings me lots of happines just by being there waiting in my room when I get home.
So I now I have a long road ahead of me, I know I will make mistakes again, that this isn't gonna be easy but im done surviving, I want to live, not for me but for those who love me, that's more than enough to keep me in this world.
I've changed, this has been by far the worst year in my life, but im done feeling sorry for myself, I don't want self-pity I want to be a warrior as it is written on my wrist
Beating mental ilnesses is hard, but it can be done, it will be done, and I do hate myself but i dont want to harm anyone else but me
So be prepared for a new me, I'm not saying that Im gonna be recovered in a couple days, but im taking baby steps and I have to let people help me instead of hiding inside my head.
Also I wanted to talk about other stuff, today would be my second anyversary with my last boyfriend, sadly we broke up this year and we barely talk, we can pretend we are friends but its just that, pretending
My heart got so fucking beaten up with this and all the "relationships" I had after that that it stoped being a beating heart, now its a locker with thorns with some things still inside that only a few people are able to see them, but when they do, they dont need a key
So i got that tattoed on my chest and i cherish it very much
As they say in the movie saw, i have to apreciate my life, and even if i dont now i will find a way to learn how to do it.
I'm not gonna lie Im very scared of this and pretty much of everyone i know, im afraid of getting hurt im afraid of loving, and im afraid of losing...but pain is what makes you feel you're alive isnt it?...